| katie has no friends |
[Monday] |
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music |
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no air-jordin sparks/chris brown |
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To the Katie that sent this postcard into postsecret:
I kinda laughed when I read this cause it had my name on it. Can't say I can relate, but we can be friends if you want!
Love:
Katie (who has friends to share!)
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[Saturday] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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mhm, cool. |
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I enjoy waking up, not at 5:30am. I'm gonna spend the day with Danielle Buteraaaaaaaaa. And maybe be joined later on by Caroline or Lorena.
I'm not really in the mood to be with anyone else. =[
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| well, well, well |
[Thursday] |
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mood |
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 relieved |
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Needless to say, everything has finally fallen into place.
Aside from the upsetting news we receive every other day about something we planned for prom not going right, everything is great. The limo is booked, FINALLY! All we need to do is figure out what we want to do afterwards.
Limo. Check.
Date. Check.
All I need is the tickets and the tickets for the after party in the city, and then a dress!
I'm really excited we got to fit everyone we initially wanted in the limo, although won just found a date and switched limos =[, but we're happy for him none the less =]. It's going to be the sickest night of the year, with all of my best friends, I couldn't ask for more. It's one thing I love about being with all of them. There is barely any drama, EVER and if there is, we all fess up to what we said and heard. I can't seem to think of any other place I'd rather be with on prom night then with Danielle, Danielle, Peter, Drew, Matt, Dj, Nick, Erika, Lorena, Kathleen and Ana. I except nothing but pure bliss.
Just a 411 for everyone. If you haven't booked your limo yet, your fucked. Lorena and I called 30 places before we found one guy in Hempstead who had ANYTHING to offer. But we got the brand new infinityyyyyyyy, oh haiiiiii.
And my friends do fun things like dance to Miley Cyrus and Gwen Stefani with me when I'm sad. Luhhhhh them <3333
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| gee |
[Thursday] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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tv |
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Haven't updated in awhile.
I don't know what to say.
Just enjoying the time I have painting, adding to my 2 wall collage, cleaning out my room for my new bed, makin' bracelets and dancing alone in my room. All the hobbies I used to have before I entered high school and got a car.
Having my car taken away from me for practically the 5th week now, it honestly doesn't bother me. Thanks mom for punishing me and saving me 40 bucks a week in gas.
Feels good being a kid again.
I signed up for the France trip next year that my dad agreed to give me $2000 for. The trip is $2,550. A+! I hope I get picked, gawddddddd.
I wouldn't say I feel sad, or depressed. I'm just blah. I just want tommorow to come, and have a week off where I can relax. 12+ years of school is REALLY taking a toll on me. I can't wait for next year.
I took off work a month ahead of time, JUST to spend the day with Dani B. at priceclub. She's the coolest <333
Everyone have fun in China!
My week is all about Lorena, Angela, Nick and mah babiigurl Alyssa.
Oh FYI, we officially passed the 100 day mark of school. 70 something left to go!
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[Thursday] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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americas best dance crew! <3 |
] |
Dear Cell Membrane,
You're really not that funny.
Try again.
Love, Me <3333333333333
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| so this is cool |
[Wednesday] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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how long- red hot chili peppers |
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I really don't find enjoyment when my friends are upset. It pisses me the fuck off.
This isn't my war, but there's a point where I have to step in for those that I care about.
Dear Caroline,
What you said, was a shitty thing to say. And as far as this "i'm being made out to be a shitty person" thing, it was stupid for you to say in the first place! So yeah, people are pissed cause we obviously care about Alyssa. I'm not saying that what Alyssa said to you was right either, but even though you didn't say it directly, you were talking about the death of her mother. This might not exactly consider you white-trash, it just makes it hard for people to view you as a person who has some heart or soul left. I know that I would react the same way if you spoke about the loss of someone that I loved. And saying that you didn't directly say it, is not an excuse. So fucking apologize, and stop wasting her time.
oh, and p.s I'm tired of you talking shit about me. It hurts to think that someone so close to me, would have the nerve to go behind my back and say things like "oh well, one less friend with a car." It's harder for me to not want to be friends with you then it is to just stop talking to you. There is a difference in being a friend, then just being a friend when the time is right for you. I bid thee goodbye in peace. I just can't have people like you around me. Trust is more important to me then just someone to hang out with during french class. If you decide you want to change the way you treat me, you can call me then, but for now find another friend to drive you around, ok?
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| last day '07 |
[Tuesday] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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music |
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get down- backstreet boys |
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Usually when I get home I run to the computer to make my year ending entry, but this year, just wasn't the same. My year ended in me just being bitter, hanging out with 4 adults while everyone hung out downstairs playing pool, videogames or musical instruments.
I had no one.
Nothing.
I spent the majority of the evening with Dom's new dog Moses, cradeling this dog in my arms as it fell asleep. A blast, but... not. The Fazzari's house got egged and lettuced (realllllll original) and it happened twice so if anyone hears who did that in school, lemme know!
As I look back on "good ole 2007," I can't help but find more negatives then those positives. My year pretty much started off with my trip to Europe with most of my friends in February. Like Nick's entry states, I can't help but cry whenever I talk about the great times. It was an overwhelming experience and the best nine days of my life. London, Paris, Switzerland and Germany have pretty much won the spot of the best week of 2007 and my life. Seeing those double decker buses and the guards with the funny hats that never smile, being atop of the eiffel tower at night, climbing up real mountains at their snow tops, and going to a real German pub, are the times I can talk about forever and tell my children about. Kudos europe trip.
Along with new and improved relationships with people like George Sheehan, DJ Marquez, Nicholas Johnson, Caroline Monohan, Valentina Codrington and Rachel Fontaine to name a few, also brought the detioration of other relationships that we both waitied to long to try and fix. But, my life without those people, doesn't satisfy me. 2008 brings a new year to start everything over.
Oh yeah, I got my license right at the end of 2006, but I bought my own car that increased my social life in early September <3!
I did turn the big 17.
11th grade was probably the most difficult year of my life as far as school goes.
This summer was probably one of the best I have had since my life went downhill after Cory and I broke up, which didn't exactly keep us from being together. We still hang out to this day, and things have adjusted from dating, to severely akward to... just right.
I spent every summer day with DJ or Nick. The three of us were pretty much the only ones who were stranded home for the summer without any cool month long vacations (besides visits to family towns or states away and the annual weeklong family vay-kay) and we were going to make the best of it. With my mom working the night shift at the hospital, we found ourselves countless times at my house with various people hanging around playing games and prank calling people. Mini-Golf and Pizza Hut was a must, rain or shine. We went to Mary's Grave in both day and night, countless times. We laughed, I would say cried but... we never cried together. We spent so much money on Friendly's, Applebee's, TGIF's, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Mini-Golf, slurpees for sloshing and movies at Loews. It was the first summer that I had a job, which I thought would ruin my social life, although I couldn't hang out all the time, I made alot of money and did alot of crazy shit. I got stuck in a ditch with Nick and Kathleen on the creepiest road ever. The cops weren't headless. Scariest Night '07.
I drove on the LIE for the first time in the pouring rain on July 4th, 2007. Thanks guys.
A+ to every concert I attended. Lily Allen, White Stripes, Relient K and Switchfoot! Except seeing Ms.Strong at the White stripes. I got a 1 on my AP test btw for all those I refused to tell.
Senior Year began great. It was like summer and school all at the same time. It just got sour these past two months because of everyone being bitter about college and shit. Yeah I never sent anything in, cause I'll do suffolk for two years for the sole purpose that I'm not ready to leave. Then when the time comes I could find myself at a place like Oneonta, Oswego or Penn State.
A+ to homecoming, senior variety show and french day. Every event just gets better and better when you're a senior.
When I return to school tommorow, I want it to go back to september when all the seniors just hung out after school and we didn't have to worry about college. It's our last year guys, and it's hitting me harder in the head as everyday passes by.
Maybe this year wasn't as awful as I thought it was. Besides being diagnosed with depression and having to take antidepressants everyday for the rest of my life, it seems A-ok.
My resolution... hm. I don't want to fight with my friends anymore. I don't have time to stand and argue with people. I also want to become more of a less judgemental person, which is beginning to grow on me. The more I hear the stories from people and what they did when they were high, makes me laugh alot. Although, I want to continue to not drink or smoke. I also need to learn how to save my money. I just want to have a good time of what's left of this school year.
I don't want to be involved in this whathesaidwhatshesaidhedidthisbutyoutoldmethat
mumbo jumbo.
And no more of my dog eating my underwear.
It's be nice if they brought back real chicken nugget day.
So... here's to 2008?
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| uhhhh |
[Wednesday] |
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mood |
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 full |
] |
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music |
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life is a highway- rascal flatts (senior song <333) |
] |
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, about thattttttttttttttttttttttttt.
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| Happy Thanksgiving! |
[Thursday] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
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music |
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our time now- plain white tees |
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I hope everyone enjoyed there days off with their family. I'm thankful for all of ya'll. Work tommorow, but that's not stoppig Kathleen, Nick, Massuad, Ryan and Dj, as well as myself to leave to wait on line at target in about 2 hours. 6 hour wait at target in the cold. Anyone wanna join?
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| I don't even know. |
[Sunday] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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music |
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let it all out- relient k |
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I sit here on a Sunday night at 10:30 at night, hardly finding the words to express how I feel.
Last night, I had an amazing time at the Relient K/Switchfoot concert. It was a complete adrenaline rush, and the bands are completely awesome.
I was exhausted, and awoke to the worst day of work I've ever had since I started working at Target in September of my junior year. I felt alone, stressed, and scared the entire day. I had the worst complaint from a woman, for something that I wasn't even fully responsible for. I was put at guest service for the majority of the day with 3 people who were training at guest service, asking questions left and right. I spent the day in a work area similar to a dump, with bags and receipts all over the floor, and every object imaginable that Target sells scattered over the counters, carts, shelves and floors. I couldn't do it anymore. I went into the bathroom and cried by myself in the stall until I became too embarassed by the fact that I was crying in a Target bathroom stall. The day got better a few times, until it felt like there was always something else bringing me down, not to mention that the human resource team lead practically yelled at me on my way out of work. I got in my car, and cried again. It just doesn't seem like it's worth it anymore. My job, my school, my life.
Yet I sit here and wonder. How can I let people's words affect me as much as they do, to the point where I spend a half hour crying at my job? How can I be so selfish to not be able to appreciate the fact that I even have a job, and have been able to keep one for so long? Which makes me think even more.
Everyday of my life is constantly moving, and it's not going to come back. Five minutes ago, isn't going to happen again. That concert that I enjoyed, with those people, isn't going to happen again. I will never have to have that akward situation with that woman yelling at me about that problem she had with me and how bad Target sucks, ever again. My mind is constantly running, like a wheel. It keeps going and going and going. When I think to much, or do to much, the wheel moves to fast to the point where I can't handle it any longer. Today, the wheel in my head was moving faster then it has in awhile.
On the way home from work, I flat out stopped my car, turned off the radio and my car on the middle of Hammond lane. I stopped crying, and took a deep breath. I sat there, and listened to something I have needed for awhile. Silence. That mere 3 minutes of silence, changed my attitude and the way I felt. I began to feel calm. The people who shop at Target, my coworkers, my schoolwork, or even my family and friends can't make the wheel in my mind go faster then I can handle. I guess this is all an analogy, represnting my breaking point.
I control my life, my decisions and my feelings, and I can't... no, I absolutely won't let things like the situations that happened today get me upset. Life is about choices. I choose it to be that way, and I choose to accept that.
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